Hello, The Future! Gets Her Filk On At Philcon

by Hello, The Future!

supported by
/
  • Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

     $10 USD  or more

     

  • Compact Disc (CD)

    This gets you a shiny CD in an environmentally-friendly paper cover! I'll also autograph the CD before I send it to you!

    It's just like you'd get at a real Hello, The Future! show!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Hello, The Future! Gets Her Filk On At Philcon via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days

     $15 USD or more

     

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
02:49
7.
8.
06:14
9.
10.
11.
01:35

about

Hello, The Future! LIVE at PHILCON 2011.

www.philcon.org

credits

released 01 January 2012

Recorded by Harold Stein at Philcon 2011.

tags

license

feeds

feeds for this album, this artist
Track Name: Drop It On The Twitters
Drop it on the twitters
Drop it on the twitters
Drop it on the twitters
That you're attending Hello, The Future! LIVE!
At Philcon!
Get your filk on at Philcon!

Drop it on the twitters
Retweet.
Track Name: T-Rex Has Feelings
T-Rex has feelings
Though you may think he’s a dinosaur
T-Rex has feelings
And he wants the world to listen to him as he says
“Listen to me!”

T-Rex is just standing there
Let’s get in closer to see what he has to say
He’s going to crush that house
But Dromeciomimus gets in his way.
Then Utahraptor stops by
Utahraptor says hi
(Did that person die?)
Now T-Rex is all alone
T-Rex is all alone
T-Rex is all alone
What is T-Rex going to do?

‘Cause T-Rex has feelings
Though he acts just like an animal
T-Rex has feelings
And he wants the world to listen to him as he says
“Listen to me!”

T-Rex doesn’t like to be all alone
He likes to think of more awesome things instead
Like what if he were made up of jillions of robots
And each of the robots had a robot head?
Would the thoughts of the robots be T-Rex’s thoughts
Or the thoughts of the robots?

It’s thoughts like these that help T-Rex forget about his feelings
Unless of course it’s the robots who are thinking the thoughts
Otherwise he’d just want to stomp around and crush things
And tell Dromeciomimus that she’s really hot
And they should test out second base and then go get a corn dog
He hopes she likes corn dogs.

(Why wouldn’t anyone not like corn dogs?)

Yes, T-Rex has feelings
And sometimes they’re confusing
But T-Rex has feelings
And he wants Dromeciomimus to know that he thinks
She’s kinda hot!

T-Rex is just standing there
Turns out that corn dog plan didn’t work out so great
He asked Dromeciomimus
And she said she didn’t think that they should date.

So he asked Utahraptor what to say
And how he could go on feeling this way
When he had to see Dromeciomimus every day?

And Utahraptor said

Maybe if you hide away your feelings you’ll be able to get by.
Maybe if you hide away my feelings you’ll be able to get by.
And T-Rex said
Maybe if I hide away my feelings I’ll be able to get by.

And that’s why

T-Rex has feelings
But he acts just like an animal
T-Rex has feelings
And he wants this girl to listen to him as he says
“Listen to me!”

Yes, T-Rex has feelings
Though you may think he’s a dinosaur
T-Rex has feelings
And he wants the world to listen to him as he says
“Listen to me!”
Track Name: Giant Robot Song
Back in summer camp
On the first day they sat us in the picnic yard
And they told us that fine arts camp was very hard
And that all of us would have to practice very hard

And they told us if we wanted to get work someday
We couldn’t play our pop music or draw anime
Because those things weren’t important in the real world
You know that fine arts camp is all about the real world

And I’ll never forget
They took this one kid’s drawing of a giant robot
And they told him to stop wasting his time
Get in line
Focus on perspective
So we practiced hard, and yet
We met in secret to perform the Final Fantasy opera
We knew they’d say that we were wasting our time

Then in undergrad
In our classes they told us what was good and bad
It was good if it had meaning and was serious
And nothing good had been produced that wasn’t serious

And they said that every time we made a song or play
There should be some deeper meaning as a takeaway
So the audience would get up and go stop the war
Or decide that social justice was worth fighting for

And I’ll never forget
The way they denigrated anything reflecting pop culture
How they said it was a waste of our time; we should
Get in line
And focus on perspective
But they didn’t seem to get
That to make meaning first you have to go and make a connection
Otherwise you’ll just be wasting your time

I’m not even going to make the old argument
About Mozart being part of pop culture
Or Dickens being part of pop culture
Or Shakespeare being part of pop culture

And how it all kinda changed with the friggin’ Rite of Spring
And the subsequent decision that art was a very very very very serious thing
And it wasn’t for everyone
It was cultural broccoli
(You know I actually kinda really like broccoli)

Then in graduate school
When I said in class the internet had changed the rules
That the new artistic culture was the internet
And that people who made art should use the internet

With Web 2.0
It took the job that theater started all those years ago
And gave us ways to make connections with an audience
There were so many ways for us to reach an audience

And I’ll never forget
They told me serious performers didn’t use the internet
And they told me to stop wasting class time
Get in line
Focus on perspective
And my assignment for next class
Was to restage a Restoration play in 1960
And I knew that I was wasting my time

We should have been making things from the start
We didn’t have to stop drawing those giant robots
We should be using all our time
To connect the lines
And focus on creation
And sure, not all of it will be art
But the important thing is to make a connection
And that means you won’t be wasting your time

So here’s to the kid who got his giant robot drawing torn up on the first day of fine arts camp.
I hope you kept drawing.
Track Name: Questionable Content Girl
I wish I were a Questionable Content girl
‘Cause then I would be pretty
I wish I were a Questionable Content girl
‘Cause then I would be hanging out with
Marigold and Hanners as they played games in her room
Then we’d go and take a break at Coffee of Doom
Where Faye would draw a skull and crossbones
Floating in my cappuccino foam
And if I were a Questionable Content girl
I’d be home

I wish I were a Questionable Content girl
‘Cause then I’d have a boyfriend
I’d have a lot of quirky little mishaps first
But then I’d have a boyfriend who would
Jam with me on bass guitar and then go fight the Horde
I’d be the better player but he’d have the bigger sword
He wouldn’t waste his energies
Trying to make me something that I’m not
‘Cause if I were a Questionable Content girl
I’d be hot

I’d fit right in
I’m not that hard to draw
I wouldn’t take up space
My storyline
Would be how I could Roomba-sit
For the Roombas at Faye and Marten and Dora’s place

When they got home
I’d have the house so clean
Even Hanners would be scared
Make sure you draw me
With bigger hair… please…

And if I were a Questionable Content girl
I guess I’d have a robot – wow –
That’s even more exciting than the boyfriend thing
If I could have a robot who would
Help me make decisions like which science we should try
The one that might destroy the world, or the one that makes a pie
And afterwards we’d eat the pie and my robot friend would autoclave the plate
And if I were a Questionable Content girl
That’d be great

Yes, I wish I were a Questionable Content girl
‘Cause then I would be pretty and
I’d get to live in Questionable Content world
Where people can take lunch trays and go
Sledding down a giant hill and never miss the curve
Where top hats can appear at will and "science" is a verb
Where birds can talk and bands can rock and parties go for days before they’re through
I wish I lived in Questionable Content world
Don’t you?
Don’t you?

Don’t forget about the bigger hair please
Track Name: The Google Plus Song
So now we’re all on Google Plus
And now we’ve got another way to meet
We’ve put up circles for the people who aren’t our friends
So we don’t mess up and say something indiscrete

Like complain about our jobs to our employer
Or brag about a date in front of our ex-boyfriend

Oh Google Plus, you are the best
Except
You’re another gorram thing to check.

I’ve got my gmail, gchat, twitter and facebook
And YouTube comments too
I’ve got five email addresses that are filling up my inbox
And now all of these messages from you
You tell me
I’m in a circle
Someone plus-oned me
Someone tagged me in a photograph that’s probably of me
The same one they tagged me in on tumbler and flicker and facebook and posterous last year

So hear me

Why are we all recreating the internet
On another part of the internet
I don’t understand it
Maybe this is my watershed
Maybe I’m so old I must be dead
I don’t understand what this google plus fuss is about

Go ahead and tell me it’s about privacy
But have you forgotten search history
And how Google tracks it
So these are a few of my favorite things
And now Google knows it and now it will bring to me
All of these ads, my search is off-kilter
We’ve put together a repository of all the world’s knowledge and Google is giving it to me under a filter.

Yes, here we are on Google Plus
Amusing all our circles with our stuff
Embedding video of cats, or of guitars
As if there weren’t already quite enough
And yet we all seem to be finding this appealing
Yes, Google Plus has given us that “we’re not Facebook” feeling
Oh Google Plus, you are the best, unless
You delete our accounts for violating your TOS.

Yes, baby, all your talk about blah blah privacy
Turns out not to apply
‘Cause you’ve got to list yourself under the name on your birth certificate
Or else Google Plus tells you bye-bye
They say they’re doing it to protect us from trolls
But we all know they want to keep their algorithms whole
And make sure they know what the name on our credit cards likes sorry I mean plus ones
So they can advertise it
But why’s it
So hard to let us post under our gamertags
Oh Google Plus, you are such a drag
You don’t understand that
My name is Nicole, but my internet knows me as Blue
So what can I do, I’ve spent the past seven years creating my online identity in such a way as to minimize access to stalkers I’ve had them they’re no fun and to maximize my professional and personal appearance in Google searches plus all my friends know me as Blue, that is my name for all intents and purposes

So now we’re all on Google Plus
And yes, of course, we’re all on Facebook too
And Twitter, Flickr, Tumblr, Wordpress, YouTube, Skype, IM
Just pushing our recursive postings through
Until it’s hardly worth the time it takes to scan them
We’ve already seen it all and it’s just content spam
Oh Google Plus, you’re just like all the rest
--sorry, phone beeping—
Someone just plus-oned this song!
Oh Google Plus, you are the best, I guess
Until whatever’s coming next.
Track Name: Sidekick
Do you want to be my sidekick
We could have some fun
Come on won’t you be my sidekick
I wouldn’t take just anyone

And I hope that you say
That you’ll come with me adventuring
I’ll save the world and you’ll save the day
‘Cause I love you

If you were my little sidekick
We could have some fun
In the morning I’d make you omelette
And then you’d help me get work done

You see, I’m kind of a mess
Unless you’re there to galvanize me
Don’t know why; I guess it’s
Cause I love you

And I know
You love me too
I know
You love me too

Do you want to be my sidekick?
We could have some fun
Come on won’t you be my sidekick
I like you the best of everyone

And as soon as you say
That you’ll come with me adventuring
You’ll pack the bags, I’ll take you away
‘Cause I love you
Track Name: Monkeys And Robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots

Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots

Monkeys and robots and monkeys and science
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and science
Science and monkeys and robots and science
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots

Monkeys and robots and monkeys and Mathnet
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and Mathnet
Monkeys learn math while the robots learn science
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots

Monkeys and robots and monkeys and fractals
Robots and monkeys and robots and neutrons
Monkeys with pencils make pieces of fractals
Robots build thumbs and play marbles with neutrons

One of the marbles hits one of the monkeys
He takes his pencil and punches the neutron
And then he explodes just like all of the fractals
And the monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots

Pieces of monkeys with pieces of robots
Pieces of monkeys with pieces of robots
Mathnet’s still playing, but nobody’s watching
Not the pieces of monkeys or pieces of robots

One little opposable thumb crawls by
It picks up one tiny robot eye

Robots and robots rebuild all the robots
Robots and robots rebuild all the monkeys
Isn’t it nice that they rebuilt the monkeys?
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots

Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Monkeys and robots and monkeys and robots
Track Name: That Tractor
I took my tractor
And I took my roomba
And I took my screwdriver
And went out to the back

With my husband waiting upstairs
Playing Xbox
He won’t miss the screwdriver
He won’t know I’m not back

I tried, though
I tried to make a robot
I tried to make a robot
A robot
But

Halfway through the bourbon
When I turned the keys
And started up the tractor
With the roomba parts inside

And my smartphone open
Showing Wikipedia’s
Page for “robotics”
There was nowhere I could hide

When that tractor
That old and rusty tractor
That old familiar tractor
That tractor

My…

I tightened a screw
Its part skipped a beat
I took off my gloves
And put my hands upon the steering wheel
So I could feel it close to me

It started to move
I went for a ride
And somehow I knew what it felt inside
And it was more than I could have ever dreamed of
I thought I built a robot, but
That tractor learned how to love

I took that tractor
And we roamed our fields
And then he said he loved me
With the blinking of his eyes

And we woke my family
And we woke my neighbors
And they saw that tractor
And they blinked back in surprise

They said “Darling
You know you built a monster
What’s worse, a sentient monster
A monster!”

And then that tractor said “I’m not a monster
And this girl is mine.
We belong together;
Yes, our hearts have gone through the combine.”

At least that’s what I think he said
I may have been distracted
By the way the people looked at me
And the way the crowd reacted
To my tractor!

[INSTRUMENTAL BREAK]

When they took my tractor
I might have gone insane
I mean just for a moment
But I guess that’s all it takes.

Now I take the pills
Because they take the pain
Because they make me take them
I guess that everyone makes mistakes.

I’ll rebuild him
Someday I will rebuild him
Some way I will rebuild him
Rebuild…

I will buy a tractor
And I’ll buy a roomba
And I’ll buy a screwdriver
And go out to the back.

With my children playing upstairs
Making messes
They won’t miss their dinner
They don’t know I won’t come back

‘Cause I love him
And though I must remake him
I know that he’ll still love me
He’ll love me
He’ll love me
He’ll love me
And we’ll be together forever
Just me and my tractor

‘Cause I tightened a screw
It’s part skipped a beat
I took off my gloves
And put my hands upon the steering wheel
So I could feel it close to me

It started to move
We went for a ride
And somehow I knew what it felt inside
And it was more than I could have ever dreamed of
I thought I built a robot, but
That tractor learned how to love
Track Name: Really Awesome Johns
This is a song about a group of people
Who share more than a name
John Flansburgh, John Linnell, Jon Stewart
John Hodgman, Jonathan Coulton, and they
All work together
And it really is a shame
That if you want to be a geek superstar you’ve got to have a name
Like John.

Or maybe know a John
Who helps you meet a John
Who does a show with a Jon.
I could go on and on
There’s this chart that I’ve drawn
But I’m really here to say

I wish my name was John and I was fifty years old
‘Cause if my name were John and I were fifty years old
I’d get to be there
In that apartment
Up in Brooklyn, playing Scrabble with those
Really Awesome Johns.

They’re a League of Extraordinary Jontlemen
And I know it isn’t fair
That they exist, and I’m not them, and I’m not part of their
Little circle of Johns
Connective tissue of Johns
Collaboration of Johns
Dissemination of Johns
It’s like they’re all intertwined
It’s like they’re sharing a mind
Why don’t they share that mind with me?

I wish my name was John and I was fifty years old
‘Cause if my name were John and I were fifty years old
I’d get to be there
In that apartment
Up in Brooklyn, playing Scrabble with those
Really Awesome Johns.

Yeah, I have a PC
Heck yeah I have a PC
I don’t even know the name of the guy who played the Mac

But the coolest thing about John Hodgman
Besides getting to be John Hodgman
Is John Hodgman gets to hang out
With awesome Ira Glass yeah!
Awesome Ira Glass!

With just my rhythm guitar, I’m like a John without a John
Unsupervised, I need an accordion

(Awesome Ira Glass)

If I could be one of the Johns, if only for a day
I’d jump into the circle of Johns and John it all the way
I would rock with the Johns
Or write a book with John
Or troubadour with Jonathan
Or do shows with Jon, and then
We’d all get along
Maybe we’d write a new song
And the chorus part would say…
Hey...

I’m glad my name is John
And I am fifty years old
‘Cause if my name weren’t John
And I weren’t fifty years old
I wouldn’t be here
In this apartment
Up in Brooklyn, playing Scrabble with those
Really awesome
Other men named John

Wait, did you even know this?
I mean, did you even know this?
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Was written by Johns Flansburgh and Linnell for Jon Stewart
Dang!
Track Name: Life Is A LARP
When we were kids we played all kinds of games
Ninja Turtles, anyone that we
Wanted to pretend we were, we’d be
Mom or Dad, or Barbie, or the Red Mage in Final Fantasy

Harry’s got a wand, MegaMan’s blue
Grab the clothes and do what they would do
We’d become whatever we wanted to
Life is just the same

You don’t have to go out into the woods to play
You don’t have to make a suit of chain-mail armor to play
I mean if you want to make a suit of chain-mail armor, that’s okay
But here’s my secret to you, the world already works this way
So come along and sing with me!

Life is a LARP!

Just think of all the stuff you did today
Wake up and put on your fancy clothes
Blow the snot out of your fancy nose
Practice punctuality and go where responsible people go

Maybe you don’t have to fight a Slime
But you’d better get to work on time
Make sure that your output better shine
And you are on your way

The other side is that whatever you want to do
You grab the role and suddenly the work comes true
You want to climb a mountain, got to buy the shoes
All you gotta do is just be brave enough to choose
So come along and sing with me!

Life is a LARP!

And I’ve become a rockstar
I’ve become a geek rockstar
Yes, I’ve become a rockstar
And I have the CDs to prove it
How about you?

I know you think you’ve rolled and got your stats
You’re already good as you can get
You can’t be what you haven’t been yet
Anything you want to do has some prerequisite you haven’t met

Or you might say that you don’t have enough.
Better roles come to people with better stuff.
I say that it’s time to level up
You work at where you’re at

And every day try on the stats you want to play
Grab the rule book, learn the rules, and start to play
You’ll find that what you want isn’t so far away

As long as you work at it
Consistently and with focus
Watching for opportunities
And learning about the other players
Connecting with the community
And don’t forget to practice
EVERY DAY
So one more time, come sing with me!

Life is a LARP!
Track Name: Guilded Age
It was the Guilded Age
When men were men and elves were elves
And dwarves were dwarves
And gnomes were gnomes
And dragons were dragons
And smoke monsters were definitely smoke monsters
And everyone else was also themselves

The power of friendship brought
Our heroes together TO FIGHT
It might have been the power of money, though,
I’m not sure I got the whole story right

But anyway, they’re together now
Fighting monsters and saving children
Except when the children are also the bad guys
‘Cause that sometimes happens
We don’t live in a perfect world
Um…

Guitar solo!

It was the Guilded Age
Watch out Payet Best!
It was the Guilded Age
When men were men and elves were elves
And dwarves were dwarves
And gnomes were gnomes
Don’t call ‘em midgets, they don’t like it
Seriously, they’ll hurt you while you’re sleeping
And this is the part where I forgot the words
And da dee dah and monsters were monsters
And everyone else was also themselves
It was the
Guil…
Ded..
Age!