So now we’re all on Google Plus
And now we’ve got another way to meet
We’ve put up circles for the people who aren’t our friends
So we don’t mess up and say something indiscrete

Like complain about our jobs to our employer
Or brag about a date in front of our ex-boyfriend

Oh Google Plus, you are the best
Except
You’re another gorram thing to check.

I’ve got my gmail, gchat, twitter and facebook
And YouTube comments too
I’ve got five email addresses that are filling up my inbox
And now all of these messages from you
You tell me
I’m in a circle
Someone plus-oned me
Someone tagged me in a photograph that’s probably of me
The same one they tagged me in on tumbler and flicker and facebook and posterous last year

So hear me

Why are we all recreating the internet
On another part of the internet
I don’t understand it
Maybe this is my watershed
Maybe I’m so old I must be dead
I don’t understand what this google plus fuss is about

Go ahead and tell me it’s about privacy
But have you forgotten search history
And how Google tracks it
So these are a few of my favorite things
And now Google knows it and now it will bring to me
All of these ads, my search is off-kilter
We’ve put together a repository of all the world’s knowledge and Google is giving it to me under a filter.

Yes, here we are on Google Plus
Amusing all our circles with our stuff
Embedding video of cats, or of guitars
As if there weren’t already quite enough
And yet we all seem to be finding this appealing
Yes, Google Plus has given us that “we’re not Facebook” feeling
Oh Google Plus, you are the best, unless
You delete our accounts for violating your TOS.

Yes, baby, all your talk about blah blah privacy
Turns out not to apply
‘Cause you’ve got to list yourself under the name on your birth certificate
Or else Google Plus tells you bye-bye
They say they’re doing it to protect us from trolls
But we all know they want to keep their algorithms whole
And make sure they know what the name on our credit cards likes sorry I mean plus ones
So they can advertise it
But why’s it
So hard to let us post under our gamertags
Oh Google Plus, you are such a drag
You don’t understand that
My name is Nicole, but my internet knows me as Blue
So what can I do, I’ve spent the past seven years creating my online identity in such a way as to minimize access to stalkers I’ve had them they’re no fun and to maximize my professional and personal appearance in Google searches plus all my friends know me as Blue, that is my name for all intents and purposes

So now we’re all on Google Plus
And yes, of course, we’re all on Facebook too
And Twitter, Flickr, Tumblr, Wordpress, YouTube, Skype, IM
Just pushing our recursive postings through
Until it’s hardly worth the time it takes to scan them
We’ve already seen it all and it’s just content spam
Oh Google Plus, you’re just like all the rest
--sorry, phone beeping—
Someone just plus-oned this song!
Oh Google Plus, you are the best, I guess
Until whatever’s coming next.